I once threw up on the bus.

I wish it wern't true. But, oh my god, it is. I yacked my brains out once on the bus. I had just eaten a beautiful stack of steaming hot pancakes, so when I threw up it looked like a watered down batter. I did it to myself, the evening before I'd spent downing shots of fernet. I woke up and headed to work, but before that I had the genius idea to eat some pancakes to help my hangover. So wrong! Don't carb load, greasy foods like bacon and French fries with a large glass of iced tea is what I should have chosen.

I boarded the bus, sat down and passed out, like a homeless person, feet up on the seat infront of me. I woke up 10min later with an older lady telling me, "you have such tiny feet!! Look at them!! They are so tiny!!" and just like a homeless person I responded by throwing up. No throw up landed on the lady talking to me. Instead I held it in my mouth with my fingers while steams of it began to drip down my cheeks. The doors flew open just in time for part of it to land on the steps and the rest on the sidewalk. Truly a crowning moment in my life. I hope my children read this story and think "wow, my mother is pretty much the coolest."